Bakura's first starvation diet
by Psycho BakuRyou
Summary: Ryou decided to make dinner one night. His dinner...was CASSEROLE! With Bakura claiming to be allergic to icky stuff...will he manage life...without eating food or starve to death? Will Ryou be so cruel as to make Bakura eat the casserole?


Bakura's first starvation diet

It was dinnertime. A week has passed since the ice skating rink incident. Ryou had frostbite basically in all parts of his body. Ryou sat down eating his dinner still shivering and still angry with Bakura.

"Ryou…will you ever talk to me again?" Bakura asked making his casserole into a soup.

Ryou grumbled and stuck the fork in his mouth.

"Talk to me please! I'm sorry I didn't mean to break the ice and make you ugly." Bakura cried.

Ryou growled angrily and continued ignoring Bakura.

"Come on don't give me your frostbite…um…frostbite-ed shoulder." Bakura said snickering.

"That's not a word." Ryou said standing up and cleaning his plate.

"It was a joke. Haha. Very funny Bakura. I'm so hilarious." Bakura said.

"Really? I did not find it remotely funny." Ryou said.

"Who's got a remote?" Bakura asked.

"Stupid head." Ryou grumbled.

Bakura scrambled his casserole and stuck his finger in it. "Ahh! It's eating me! Oh the horror!" He screamed crouching down and crawling under the table to the garbage can.

"You're going to eat this casserole. I didn't spend 3 hours trying to make it good." Ryou said.

"3 hours! Oh my god I must eat it." Bakura said sitting back down and watching Ryou walk stiffly to his room.

"Not. The garbage cans hungry than me it's tired of plastic." Bakura whispered. He skipped to the garbage can and opened it with his foot.

"Code red! Code red! Bakura is throwing away his casserole! Code red! Code red! Bakura is throwing away his casserole! Code re-"

"Shut the fuck up! Ryou the garbage is talking to me again!" Bakura cried.

"Sit and eat that casserole! You are not to leave the table until you eat your vegetable and cheese casserole!" Ryou screamed.

"But…but…I don't wanna it's…icky." Bakura said folding his arms stubbornly.

"Ah!" Ryou scoffed offended. "It was not "icky"! It was good! Eat it!" Ryou shouted.

"No!" Bakura said moving his plate away.

"Eat!" Ryou said pushing it towards him.

"No!" Bakura said pushing it away.

"Eat it!" Ryou said pushing it towards him.

"Ah! It looked at me!" Bakura screamed covering his eyes.

Ryou looked at the soupy casserole and saw Bakura take off. He slid it under Bakura's door and attached a hole at the bottom so he couldn't slide it out.

Bakura opened the door and tossed it out.

Ryou grabbed his arm and sat him on the chair. He put the fork in the sink and grabbed a spoon.

"Open up Bakura. Open for the chu chu train. Whoo Whoo." Ryou said imitating a train.

Bakura sealed his mouth and didn't open when the spoon was near his mouth.

"Yerrr. Yerrr. Will you open for the plane?" Ryou asked flying with the spoon.

Bakura shook his head quickly. "Is it a military plane with jet propulsion and atomic bombs and propellers that go vroooooooooom vrooooooom vrooooooooom and and…rocket launchers with a gay pilot and missiles?" Bakura asked.

"Yerrrr. Yerr. Open wide for the military plane with…jet propulsion, a gay pilot, it goes vroom vroom vroom, with atomic bombs, propellers, rocker launchers and missiles." Ryou said going near his mouth.

Bakura thought about it. "No." He said.

"What the hell you wanted that!" Ryou screamed.

"I never said that." Bakura said.

"Ok Bakura you win. No casserole." Ryou said sighing.

"Good." Bakura said clapping his hands.

"Can you give me a hug Bakura. I need warmth to cure my frostbite?" Ryou asked giving him a puppy face.

"Sure Ryou." Bakura said hugging him.

_Sucker. _Ryou started tickling Bakura and stuck the spoon in his mouth sealing his lips. "Swallow! Swallow it Bakura! Swallow dammit!" Ryou screamed.

Bakura made a gulping sound and made a disgusted face.

"Good boy." Ryou said patting his head.

Bakura spit it out all over Ryou's face.

"That's it! You're punished! Time out for you go in the corner and think about what you just did. And take the casserole with you." Ryou ordered.

Bakura sat in the corner staring at the casserole. "What I would do for spaghetti O's." He sighed.

He stayed there all night staring at the casserole soaking away.

The next morning…

"Did you finish your casserole?" Ryou asked.

"I sure did." Bakura said showing him the plate with the casserole still on it.

"It's still there." Ryou said.

"Liar! There's nothing there! You're imagining it. Let me wash the plate." Bakura said.

Ryou grabbed Bakura's plate and stuck his casserole soup in a container.

"Let's go Bakura. We're going to Marik's house. He's throwing a barbeque and he invited us." Ryou said.

"Oh boy! Ribs! Steak! Chicken wings! Pudding!" Bakura said excitedly.

They went to the museum and saw all the yummy food on the table.

"I want some of that and that and ooh some of that with that thingy over there. I don't know what that is, but I want some!" Bakura said quickly.

Ryou poured his 2-day-old casserole on his plate resuming it's swimming and soaking ways.

"No I didn't want this I wanted that." Bakura said pushing his plate towards Marik and reaching for a rib.

"Ah, ah, ah Bakura. Casserole first. Then ribs." Ryou said eating a chicken wing.

"But…but…its 2 days old." Bakura whined.

Marik sniffed the casserole and passed out.

"See…it killed Marik. It killed Marik? It killed Marik! Yes! It killed Marik. It kill—Marik got up and started eating ribs and chicken wings and steak. "Damn you casserole." Bakura grumbled.

Bakura watched everyone eat steak and ribs and drooled on his casserole making it more soupy and disgusting.

"Mmm. This is so good. Mmm. Mmm. Yes. It's soooo delicious. You want some Bakura? Huh? You want some? You know you do. Oh my ra it tastes like heaven…I mean hell…in your case. Mmm. So…good. So tasty. Mmm." Marik said waving a rib in his face.

Bakura smacked his lips and followed the rib where ever it went.

"Do you want me?" The rib asked.

"Yes I want you." Bakura said hungrily.

"Then…you can have me. I'm all yours." The rib said. Heavenly glittery lights surround the rib making it float in the air dramatically.

"All mine." Bakura said chewing on it.

Marik looked at Bakura and took his finger away from him. "I know you want me…but you can't have me. I'm too hot for you." Marik said.

"Yes you are. Your hot sauce…is so good." Bakura said hungrily.

"Ryou…he's staring at me. I'm scared. I don't want to have to get out through diarrhea again." Marik cried.

"Yami Bakura you eat your casserole now." Ryou ordered.

Bakura was broken from his trance and looked down at the casserole that had a Marik hair floating in it. He scrunched up his face and pushed it away in disgust.

"Bakura." Ryou glared.

"It's got a hair in it. And not just any hair…Marik's hair." Bakura complained.

"You're still eating it." Ryou said chewing on a rib bone. He started choking on the bone and pushed everything down.

"Aim for my casserole!" Bakura said putting it up in the air so Ryou could knock it down.

Everyone was distracted as Ryou choked on a chicken wing and Marik tried to the Heimlich maneuver, which to him was CPR and made Ryou's rib bone go down deeper.

"Breathe!" Marik said breathing in Ryou's mouth.

Ryou slapped Marik's back and kicked the ground.

"What need more air! Breathe!" Marik said breathing again in Ryou's mouth.

Bakura saw Ryou turn pale and eyed the food left of the table, which was a basket of chicken wings.

He went to grab one and saw Yami Marik come into the kitchen.

"Ooh chicken wings my favorite." Yami Marik said snatching them from the table and the one in Bakura's hand.

"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! Here take this!" Bakura screamed showing him the casserole.

"Ew I'm not eating that what are you high?" Yami Marik asked walking away.

Ryou was at his last seconds of life. Bakura grabbed Ryou's shirt and looked at him angrily.

"This is your fault! I almost had a chicken wing. I could've eaten ribs! But no! I had to eat that damn soup! I mean casserole!" Bakura screamed punching Ryou's stomach.

The rib bone went flying out of Ryou's mouth and got Marik in the eye.

"Ah! Ahh! I'm blind! My eye! My Ra! Oh! Yami! Yami! Call 611 I need the police!" Marik screamed crying. "That's the number for the police right! 611? Yami Call 911…I want a pizza." He said running looking for his Yami and covering his eye.

Ryou inhaled deeply and hugged his Yami. "You saved my life Bakura! I saw the light. I guess this means I'm going to heaven when I die." Ryou said sighing in relief.

"Hell fuck no you're going to hell with me for trying to feed me that casserole!" Bakura screamed. "Since I saved your life…" He started innocently. "Can I toss my casserole?" He finished.

Ryou smiled. Bakura smiled and knew…he got to toss his casserole…because…Ryou smiled at him.

"No." Ryou said frowning and walking away.

Bakura's jaw dropped and he growled angrily.

Ryou and Bakura went home. When Ryou got home he immediately went for a tub of ice cream. Bakura sat next to him with a spoon in his hand.

"Yummy! Ice cream." He said happily going for a spoonful.

Ryou took the casserole out of nowhere and put it in his face. "Casserole first…the ice cream." Ryou said licking his spoonful of ice cream.

"Chocolate…vanilla…nutty swirl." Bakura drooled. His casserole got all drooly again and started overflowing onto his pants. "Aww! Ew!" He screamed putting the casserole on the table and wiping his pants with Ryou's shirt.

"Bakura! This was my favorite shirt!" Ryou screamed looking at the casserole stain.

Ryou was distracted trying to clean his shirt leaving the ice cream…unattended.

Bakura went for a spoonful and drooled. _Yes. Food! Ice cream!_

The ice cream melted rapidly as Bakura went to stick his spoon in and spilled on the couch leaving him with nothing.

"Dude. That can't ever happen! Ice cream doesn't melt in 5 seconds!" Bakura screamed.

"You're cleaning that and your casserole plate." Ryou said with a new shirt on.

"Ryou! Please! I don't want to eat it…I'm…allergic to yucky things." Bakura begged.

Ryou grabbed another tub of ice cream and sat down snatching Bakura's spoon.

"You want me right?" The ice cream asked.

"Yes I want you." Bakura said hungrily drooling.

"The come…I have all the flavors. Vanilla…chocolate…strawberry…caramel…CASSEROLE!" The ice cream said.

"Vanilla…chocolate…strawberry…caramel. Casserole? Ew! Ew! No I don't want you ew fucking casserole it can burn in hell. It should be a sin to have to eat casserole." Bakura said.

"Hey. Hey you." The casserole said.

"It's talking to me! The satanic food is talking to me!" Bakura screamed.

"Why don't you like me?" The casserole asked in a squeaky voice.

"You're gross looking." Bakura said.

"I'm good for you. I give you big strong bones. Shiny teeth. Healthy colon. Huh? Huh? What do you say? Do I sound…mmm appeasing?" The casserole asked.

"My shit sounds more appeasing. I'm not fucking tasting you." Bakura said.

"Hater." The casserole grumbled.

Ryou stuck a spoon of ice cream in his mouth and started chocking on the spoon.

Marik came running through the door and gave Ryou CPR again.

"Breathe!" Marik screamed fixing his bandaged eye.

Bakura eyed the ice cream and grabbed his old spoon. "You're my now. And you're not gonna miraculously melt on me. No siree. Just you and me now buddy." Bakura said drooling and crawling towards the ice cream.

A button click was heard and the ice cream sprouted launchers and launched though the ceiling.

"Fuck!" Bakura screamed.

He stomped angrily and stepped on Ryou's stomach making him spit out the spoon and getting Marik's other eye.

"Ahhh! Ahh! My eye! Or is that my nose? Ahhh! Yami I'm blind…or I can't smell anymore! Call 811!" Marik cried running out of Ryou's house.

"Where's my ice cream?" Ryou asked.

"Up in space serving NASA." Bakura said angrily.

Ryou unwrapped a candy bar and munched on it.

"Bakura…you want a snickers?" The snickers asked.

"Yes!" Bakura drooled eagerly.

"Then come and get me and my chocolaty delight-ness. I have…nuts." The snickers said floating to the heavens and an angelic choir playing out of nowhere.

"Ew no you don't want to eat that poison. Have some of me. Have a healthy colon." The casserole said.

"You're mistaken you're poison. I want snickers." Bakura said trying to grab the snickers.

"Oh. Oh can't catch me." The snickers said dodging Bakura's hands.

"Get back here." Bakura said trying to grab it.

"Bakura get off me!" Ryou screamed with his mouth full of snickers. He started choking again and ran around the house.

Marik ran in the house with a bandage on both his eyes and one on his nose. "I'll help you Ryou!" He said stuffy.

Ryou shook his head quickly and tried to get away from Marik.

"Where's the snickers!" Bakura screamed.

Marik finally did the Heimlich maneuver right and Ryou spit out the snickers chunk and smacking him on the head and falling on him from his recoil.

"Oh! Yami! My body! It's broken!" Marik screamed crying.

"This happens when you're around!" Marik screamed crying and pointing at Bakura.

The snickers was floating in Bakura's casserole. "Help...me." The snickers pleaded.

"Now you'll have to eat me I have your little friend!" The casserole said laughing evilly.

"I'll starve myself then. I'll never eat again! Starvation diet for me. You're on your own snickers." Bakura said walking away.

"Curse you Bakura...gurgle gurgle gurgle." The sickers said getting dissolved by the acidic casserole.

The next few weeks…Bakura still hadn't eaten his casserole and he looked like a bald anorexic cat.

"I sound good right about now don't I?" The casserole asked Bakura.

"N-no. I'm...so...hungry...must...eat...something." Bakura said weakly.

"Me. Eat me. Think about your colon!" The casserole said.

"Bite...me." Bakura said weakly.

Ryou was eating Spaghetti O's and stared at Bakura who was drooling making a lake on the table.

"When you put your lips together…something something something something…we're a tasty delectable treat…Spaghetti O, O, O's…Spaghetti O, O, O's…We know that you will love us…we're good and oh so yummy…something something be sure to kill your mother…Spaghetti O, O, O's we're what your mouth dreams about…Spaghetti O, O, O's. Hit it meatball." Bakura sang drumming on the table.

Ryou put his spoon down. "Alright Bakura. You win. You don't have to eat your casserole." Ryou said.

"Really!" Bakura asked excitedly.

"No…you've suffered enough." Ryou said pouring Bakura a bowl of Spaghetti O's.

"Oh thank you Ryou. You are a god. I love you!" Bakura said sitting down and tying a napkin to his shirt. He made a rhythm with his fork on the table and waited for his spaghetti O's.

"And since I'm such a "god"…you will eat the spaghetti O's on my circumstances. Put this on." Ryou said putting some really black glasses on Bakura.

"Sure…but there's no sun in here. Bring on the Spaghetti O's Ryou." Bakura said excitedly licking his lips.

Ryou put the plate under Bakura's nose and slipped the 20-day-old casserole under it. "Eat up." Ryou said keeping the plate of spaghetti O's under his nose.

"Mmm. This tastes so good. A little watery, but they taste great! I love Spaghetti O's." Bakura said eating the watery, drooly, infested Marik haired casserole. He pulled the Marik hair out of his mouth and threw it somewhere. "Wear a hairnet Ryou." Bakura said slurping the last bit of casserole.

"Good boy Bakura! I knew you'd like that casserole!" Ryou said taking off Bakura's glasses and showing him the empty container of casserole.

"Mmm. I'll make your colon healthy now." The casserole said in Bakura's stomach.

"No…no! No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! You tricked me! I'm dying!" Bakura screamed making gagging noises and putting his hands on his neck.

"Ryou! Go one without me…I'm…coughs—not gonna make it. It looks…it looks as though my life will be cut short…just remember…you're going to hell with me for feeding me that casserole!" Bakura said pretending to die.

"Shut the hell up Bakura because you said it was delicious. You enjoyed my 20 day old casserole." Ryou said.

"So…that was Marik's hair!" Bakura asked shocked.

Ryou nodded.

Bakura imagined Marik's greasy lice infested, tick infected, fungus infected hair and pretended to die again.

"You're a good boy and now…you get to eat ice cream!" Ryou said happily.

Bakura woke up and grabbed his ice cream eating it with delight.

Dinner came…

"Here Bakura." Ryou said passing him some green stuff.

"What the fuck...is this!" Bakura asked picking at it.

"Spinach." Ryou said.

"I'm good for your colon too!" The spinach said.

Bakura screamed hysterically and jumped out the window.

"Don't forget your spinach." Ryou said throwing it at him.

He chuckled evilly. "That's what you get for giving me frost bite, and embarrassing me all these years." Ryou said laughing evilly and coughing. He started chocking on his spinach and waited.

He heard squeaky noises…as if…something was being wheeled up the stairs. The suspense was killing him…was Marik coming?

Marik's Yami wheeled Marik in with a hand truck due to the fact that he was in a body cast. "Ryou. Come here! I'll help you!" Marik said trying to reach him. "Yami wheel me towards Ryou." He said.

The wheels on Marik's hand truck squeaked and he went up to Ryou trying to do the Heimlich maneuver.

Ryou swallowed the spinach and jumped out the window following Bakura.

"Another life lost…Yami…call the funeral home. Let's go." Marik said snapping his fingers and ordering his Yami to wheel him out.

Bakura ran to New York and lived in the "New York style" cheesecake factory. Ryou never ate again in fear he would die…chocking and now blends his food…once chocked on a straw. Marik never got out of his body cast…he said it was nice and warm in there. He never did find out what the police's number was and still calls 911 for pizza.

-The end-


End file.
